R & J

Friar Lawrence-
On Thursday Holy crap! That’s awfully soon!

Paris-
That’s how my future father-in-law wants it, and I will not disappoint him.

Friar Lawrence-
Ok, but you don’t know what Juliet thinks? Maybe you should find out then come back here.

Paris-
Tybalt just died, she’s upset, and I’m here for her to make her feel better. Let her cry on my shoulder. Its better to cry with me, then if she was to cry by herself. Let things calm down and then let me speak to her. Capulet is making the right move to move the date sooner.

Friar Lawrence- (TO HIMSELF)
Oh my goodness! I wish I didn’t know about any of this and I stayed out of the Capulet/Montague conflicts. Ugh…. here comes Juliet now….
(Juliet enters)

Paris- How you doen wifey?

Juliet- Ha-ha yeah that could be…if AFTER I marry you.

Paris- Chu will be Thursday! Ho! Fa sho!

Juliet- Excuse me!? Whatever happens will happen, and you in my future…. probably just…..wont happen.

Friar Lawrence- Yeah, truth!

Paris- Why are you here? Finally giving in to my hott bod, and confessing you totally love me?

Juliet- Ha-ha…right…like I speak that.

Paris- You so love me, and you know you’re impressed. Don’t fight it.

Juliet- Well I love Friar Lawrence, and that is true.

Paris-“Cough cough” …and me.

Juliet- Yeah let me just say I’ll tell the priest that.

Paris- Oh, your face is so sad, tears have affected it dramatically.

Juliet- It was like that before Tybalt died.

Paris-
(Singing)“You are beautiful in every single way”…. so stop saying that….right now. You need to be kind to yourself.

Juliet- I am oogly and that is what I know to be thy truth.

Paris- I OWN YOU B****! Stop acting like that!

Juliet- Well I don’t own my face, and I need time with Friar Lawrence. Are you ready father, or should I come back later?

Friar Lawrence- I have time, once this D-Bag leaves…hint hint.

Paris- Oh dear Juliet, I may not stand in your way to confess to the father about your love for me. I’ll wake you up on Thursday morning. Hold my kiss until I see you again.
(Paris leaves)
Juliet- This is a disaster! I do not know what to do! Cry with me father!

Friar Lawrence- I know of the situation, and I don’t know how you could solve this wretched problem. You marry Paris on Thursday? Is there a way of delaying it?

Juliet- Say something useful! Is there a way of stopping this so I can forget about this mess and go back to my loving Romeo?! I will stab myself if that is the only solution, and if I end up marrying Paris that’s gonna be an action. Advise, wisdom, anything?!?!?!

Friar Lawrence- Alright alright. There is something….but its dangerous. If you’re thinking of suicide, then you’ll be able to do anything…or at least what I have in mind.

Juliet- Seriously! Feed me to alligators, run me over with a semi, hang me on a post and let piranhas eat my flesh, shoot me with a shovel. Anything…I’ll do anything.

Friar Lawrence- Jesus! Ok. Well go back to your house and find your dad and be like, “Dad, getting married…Paris….Thursday.” You guys will hug, and then he’s going to want to celebrate with Paris and family the next night…which is Wednesday…BUT…say your tired and you need to go to bed. Do not let the skanky nurse follow you. This vial…it will give you all the symptoms of being dead. Cold and pale skin, no pulse, pupils will become larger. It will last for two days. I’ll send a letter to Romeo, he’ll come back for when you awaken, and then you two will escape to Mantua. Just don’t be a sissy girl and not go through with it.
Juliet- Whatever old man, just give me the juice!

Friar Lawrence- Do it, I will send someone immediately to Mantua to tell Romeo. Good luck.

Juliet- Thank you father, good bye, and send me with courage.




(not plagerized at all)